Following are some thoughts I had yesterday. Before reading, know that none of these thoughts are new, brilliant or smart. They are just simple and pleasant and real... however, I learned more from them than lots of "intelligent" things anyone could say.
I drove home in the dark last night. It was hot outside, but the cool air was rushing through the windows and the sunroof of my car. It was definitely a moment for thinking, listening and remembering. Sara Groves was singing a song through the speakers in my car called, "Why It Matters." The first verse is:
Sit with me and tell me once again
Of the story that's been told us
Of the power that will hold us
Of the beauty, of the beauty
Why it matters
As I drove, I tried to think about why it all matters. Sometimes, it's hard for me to tell the greatest story of Love over and over again, new and fresh... of the power that holds us, of the beauty. I want it to be fresh and new each moment, but often it's not. It sometimes becomes too familiar for me to see the beauty of it all.
Still thinking and driving, I thought about how I was alone. It definitely wasn't a sad loneliness at all, but an awareness about how the path my life has taken has placed me away from my "first" family, before starting my "second," if that's going to happen. I was thinking about how I used to feel when I was constantly surrounded by the love of my "first" family.
One of the most constant memories I had growing up was late at night while lying in bed. My goodnight routine would include Dad coming upstairs to wish Lee and me goodnight and then he would go back downstairs. Then, my dad would come up every night again after the lights were out and after all was still and, whether I was awake or asleep, he would kneel at the foot of my bed. He would put his hand under the covers of my bed and rub my little sock feet. We wouldn't speak a word. In fact, I would rarely even let him know that I was still awake because I didn't want him to think he was keeping me up and then to leave. I pretended to be asleep and I think that he always believed me, but I knew each night he was coming up after my brother and I were quiet (we slept in the same room most of the time) so I would try to stay awake till he came up. He would rub my feet and then come to kneel closer to me near the head of the bed. Sometimes, he would just stay there, kneeling, still. He would take his hand across my forehead, his thumb over my closed eyes, slowly, over and over again. And, I don't ever remember him leaving me while I was awake... he would be there for awhile praying silently over me until I fell fast sleep. The best way I can describe it is as an expression of a father's tender and sweet love.
So... still driving, I was thinking about those nights... tears streaming down my face, almost wishing to go back. And then, I realized: we have a Father who does that. We have a Father who quiets His children with His love. The Psalms speak about God's unfailing love and it all makes me think about being an heir, a daughter to the King. And then I wonder about how my dad's love for me is just a glimpse into the love from my heavenly Father. Thinking about God in this way made me feel like I felt when I was lying in bed at night as a little girl. Thinking about those nights made it all fresh, because it's something that is happening now. It's not a love story of a Savior named Jesus from 2000 years ago, it's a story of love that's being told, and written, right now.
And, of course, still driving, I kept thinking under the night sky about all of this and what it means and then I knew: This is WHY IT MATTERS. Here's the last verse of the song:
Show me the love that never fails
The compassion and attention
Midst confusion and dissention
Like small ramparts for the soul
How it matters
It matters. It matters because there are tons of people driving around in the dark, alone... knowing they are missing something they used to have or should have or something they know they wish they have... but something they have never experienced. I don't write this to sound sappy or dumb or have you all listening to me cry about my Dad, but just to remind myself and all of us... to remind us why it matters, why being a child of His matters, why being embraced by the love of our Father really does matter.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1 John 3:1)
