Wednesday night, my best friend participated in a Christmas show at an awesome church in Cincinnati. He was one of the three wisemen in the show that retold the story of the birth of Jesus. I saw the show last year along with 20,000 other people... and it was amazing. This year, my friend was so excited to be part of such a beautiful experience that would change the lives of thousands of people. Well, on Wednesday (opening night), he and the other two wisemen (one of which was a girl) were suspended 25-feet in the air to reach for the star. They climbed up and danced in worship for the entire song when at the end of the song, the girl fell from the ceiling to the hard floor below. Everyone was in shock. The preacher went to the stage to pray as people attended to the young woman immediately. That night, she died.
I hate to tell this story... but it makes me ask WHY? It makes me desperate for an answer. It makes me cry out in confusion and mostly, I am overwhelmed with sadness for the girl's family, her friends and for the church and everyone present that night.
Sometimes, people talk about tragedies, deaths, natural disasters and other catastrophes and attempt to answer the "why question" in their mind... saying that good will come of it, that God can be glorified through anything He chooses.
However, some of this stuff I really can't pass off like that. Certain things have happened in my life to put me in a place that I must trust God... instead of understanding Him. This is definitely one of those times. I simply CANNOT understand, so I MUST TRUST. If I don't trust, my only option is to leave the God who I love and who I KNOW is King, sovereign, mighty and all-loving. I can't leave Him, so I must trust... but in that trust, I think it's okay for me to ask "Why?"
Since this tragedy, I have thought over and over, questioned over and over and cried out over and over. And what have I heard? No answers, but definitely things that I can learn.
One thing I must learn... does asking the "why question" make God bigger or smaller? While I can't actually change the size of God, I can change the recognition I give to His presence in my life and on this earth. I can ask the "why question" and say God's love is less than I thought or that His power has less presence in the world than I had believed. Or, I can ask the "why question" and realize that my knowledge of God and the workings of the world is less than I thought and that because I really can't control anything, don't know anything and can't reason any of life, I MUST TRUST. I must know God is BIGGER. I must DRAW NEAR to HIM and definitely not pull myself away. In these times, I feel like I need to bury my head in his arms, close my eyes and let my tears fall on Him.
I am not strong enough to look up, to take care of myself and most certainly, not strong enough to explain anything or answer the "why question." I don't need to explain why bad things happen. The fact that we live in a fallen world is not to be denied by myself or any other believer. The fact that life sucks is apparent to all. The part that's not so apparent and not so widely accepted is that God IS LOVE and God IS POWERFUL. No matter what happens, His love remains.
Though I may not have answered the "why question," I think I can ask it... recognizing more of God's presence in my life.
If bad things didn't happen, why would I have a need to seek Him? I wouldn't. He wouldn't be necessary for my life, my breath, my days. However, bad stuff does happen... making Him entirely the only One I can depend on for anything and everything.
So, I SEEK after Him.
I want to KNOW Him.
I want to LOVE Him.
I want HIM to be raised up and glorified and His name to be lifted and praised, for every day to come.
I also want others to seek after Him, to know Him and to love Him.
With that desire, my response to trials will always be the same, I rejoice in my sufferings and can only be found running to Him.
While rejoicing with gladness in the midst of difficulty is close to impossible, I do look forward to the day that my sufferings will produce in me perseverance, character and a hope that does not disappoint. I also know that purpose, wisdom and comfort can come through hard things and that a crown of life is promised by God for those who love God and who persevere under trial. So, I consider God's promises, consider Him who endured opposition and by fixing my eyes on Jesus, I will not grow weary or lose heart.
I will take tragedy and run to Him, telling others where He is, how to find Him and show Him how much He wants to hold them, too. I don't stand strong. I accept that I am weak and can't get it. I know it's alright to cry, alright for my heart to break and that just because I know Him doesn't mean that I can take it... because I can't. Instead, I am broken and I gladly lay my burdens at His feet, feel His embrace and bow at His throne, touching the hem of His garment in naked, authentic and beautiful worship. And in that worship, God is pleased, I am found and we unite in His overwhelming love that leaves me breathless, pure, trusting and whole.
So, go ahead and ask the "why question." God can answer to all for everything. He IS big. And, I... I am HIS.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Caring for The Flock
I work at a church. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I love it because it involves serving Jesus and loving people all the time... and being USED by God. I hate it because of the reputation it carries with some people and because of the constant expectations of a church-staff-member that I can't live up to.
I sometimes try to think about what my "job description" is. I don't really know. My official title: children's minister. My unofficial title has come to include the youth minister as well. So, I plan stuff for the kids at church. But, what does that really mean?
I don't know. I think my "job" involves a lot of things, though. One of these things is caring for the flock. People come to the churches in America to consume something... to have their own needs met. I don't like when Christians are only concerned with consuming and coming into a church building to get something out of it. I think Christians should be participating in what God is doing, should be actively serving, should be bringing the love of Christ to the people in their communities. However, my bitterness towards this consuming Christian mindset has probably gone too far. I suspect that a balance between most any two things is probably the right place to be and I think that it goes the same for the contributing-participating mindsets.
People NEED to participate to grow, to love, to live out the Great Commission. Although, people NEED to consume, too, to heal, to rest, to grow and to learn. I think my job might be to find a balance here and create an environment that seeks to meet both needs.
So, in learning more about that...I have found the Bible has some good stuff to say, as usual. Ezekiel 34 talks about shepherds and sheep. I suggest you go and read this, especially if you have any leadership in any ministry. 1 Peter 5 talks about shepherding the flock... the elders, the leaders are the ones caring for the sheep. And many places in Acts have great insight into caring for a church body... and what that church body should look like. So much to learn...
I sometimes try to think about what my "job description" is. I don't really know. My official title: children's minister. My unofficial title has come to include the youth minister as well. So, I plan stuff for the kids at church. But, what does that really mean?
I don't know. I think my "job" involves a lot of things, though. One of these things is caring for the flock. People come to the churches in America to consume something... to have their own needs met. I don't like when Christians are only concerned with consuming and coming into a church building to get something out of it. I think Christians should be participating in what God is doing, should be actively serving, should be bringing the love of Christ to the people in their communities. However, my bitterness towards this consuming Christian mindset has probably gone too far. I suspect that a balance between most any two things is probably the right place to be and I think that it goes the same for the contributing-participating mindsets.
People NEED to participate to grow, to love, to live out the Great Commission. Although, people NEED to consume, too, to heal, to rest, to grow and to learn. I think my job might be to find a balance here and create an environment that seeks to meet both needs.
So, in learning more about that...I have found the Bible has some good stuff to say, as usual. Ezekiel 34 talks about shepherds and sheep. I suggest you go and read this, especially if you have any leadership in any ministry. 1 Peter 5 talks about shepherding the flock... the elders, the leaders are the ones caring for the sheep. And many places in Acts have great insight into caring for a church body... and what that church body should look like. So much to learn...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Homeless PEOPLE
My church met at a homeless shelter this morning. We hosted a vision clinic and handed out prescription eyewear to over 150 people. We cut hair of, doctored and washed the feet of the homeless people. We also played games with them and had cornhole tournaments outside where the folks were waiting for their eye screenings.
My experience this morning involved hanging out with a lot of rough people. It made me think a lot about Jesus... and how He was probably one who hung out with some rough crowds.
I usually put myself in safe crowds. In fact, I have already brought myself back into my comfortable world, sitting in Panera's, listening to folk music on my MacBook and eating my bagel. My feet are even propped up on the booth seat facing me. It really is nice. I just wonder a lot if nice is really not what God had in mind for the life of a believer. I am safe, comfortable and living in really nice conditions.
I think that God is calling me OUT... calling US OUT, not IN to life following the American dream of safety, wealth, reputation, comfort and accumulation of possessions. If we really want to be Christ-followers, we should follow Christ OUT to meet the needs of HIS people... which oftentimes is not in a nice place and possibly involves some rough crowds.
I think that following Christ means loving people... and also that loving people is a way of loving God. (Matthew 25:37-40--Read it.) Earlier, I referred to the shelter that I went to this morning as one that served homeless PEOPLE. Before I went this morning, I simply called them the homeless, almost like they were another species. However, after spending some time with them, high-fiving them, making jokes and telling stories all morning, I began to see that they were people, people that need love just as much as anyone. They want to be known, be cared for, be joked with and be hugged, just like me. And they want to be in a relationship with people who love them, not just people who spend a morning reaching out.
At 6:30 this morning, on my way out to the shelter, I prayed for the eyes of Christ. He must have seen people differently than me. He touched the lepers, cared for the blind and visited with the tax collectors. What if I looked at people as PEOPLE, images of God, rather than homeless, poor, sick, orphaned or hopeless? What if we escaped from our comfort zones to know and love people who Jesus loved, people who are beyond our arms' reach? What if we carried hope rather than destroyed it by the way we love?
What if?
My experience this morning involved hanging out with a lot of rough people. It made me think a lot about Jesus... and how He was probably one who hung out with some rough crowds.
I usually put myself in safe crowds. In fact, I have already brought myself back into my comfortable world, sitting in Panera's, listening to folk music on my MacBook and eating my bagel. My feet are even propped up on the booth seat facing me. It really is nice. I just wonder a lot if nice is really not what God had in mind for the life of a believer. I am safe, comfortable and living in really nice conditions.
I think that God is calling me OUT... calling US OUT, not IN to life following the American dream of safety, wealth, reputation, comfort and accumulation of possessions. If we really want to be Christ-followers, we should follow Christ OUT to meet the needs of HIS people... which oftentimes is not in a nice place and possibly involves some rough crowds.
I think that following Christ means loving people... and also that loving people is a way of loving God. (Matthew 25:37-40--Read it.) Earlier, I referred to the shelter that I went to this morning as one that served homeless PEOPLE. Before I went this morning, I simply called them the homeless, almost like they were another species. However, after spending some time with them, high-fiving them, making jokes and telling stories all morning, I began to see that they were people, people that need love just as much as anyone. They want to be known, be cared for, be joked with and be hugged, just like me. And they want to be in a relationship with people who love them, not just people who spend a morning reaching out.
At 6:30 this morning, on my way out to the shelter, I prayed for the eyes of Christ. He must have seen people differently than me. He touched the lepers, cared for the blind and visited with the tax collectors. What if I looked at people as PEOPLE, images of God, rather than homeless, poor, sick, orphaned or hopeless? What if we escaped from our comfort zones to know and love people who Jesus loved, people who are beyond our arms' reach? What if we carried hope rather than destroyed it by the way we love?
What if?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Starbucks
I work at Starbucks. I really like it there. The atmosphere is perfect for hanging out with friends, getting some work done or grabbing a latte to go. One of the most fascinating things I have encountered during my time at Starbucks is the world of the "regulars," even at the drive thru:
"Hey there, Michelle! Is Lee with you today? Oh, alright... well, I'll have your tall, 3-pump mocha, 4-pump toffee nut, whole milk, with whip, extra hot, with extra toffee sprinkles mocha ready for you at the window. Actually, Katie is already working on it. Would you like your vanilla bean scone today, too? Sounds great. Well, you know the total... come on around."
Michelle approaches the drive thru window, hands the barista the money, takes her drink and scone and reaches out her hand to grab her plastic spoon she used to have to request each time so she could eat her whipped cream off the top like ice cream. She goes to school to teach for rest of her day, Starbucks cup on her desk, reminding her of her experience she had that morning and will have the next.
At Starbucks, Michelle is known. Her SUV has only to pull into the parking lot for someone to call out, "We're going to need a 'Michelle' at the drive thru."
People BECOME their drinks. Seriously, an identity is found in everything from a "grande bold no room for cream" to a "Michelle." People NEED to be known. And, they pay $4.61 a day for it... an expensive cup of caffeine, but a small price to pay for being known and loved.
In my opinion, that is one reason why Starbucks has done so well. Enough options are offered for people to find their identity in their cup and for their presence to be remembered at their local store. It is one thing that the average American can control completely and get a little java boost while doing so.
It's all pretty remarkable, isn't it? Psalm 139:1 says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me." I won't type it here, but go read the rest of the psalm. It makes a remarkable regular at Starbucks pale in comparison to the comfort found in knowing that God "knit [us] together in [our] mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13) and that His "works are wonderful" (Psalm 130:14). HE knows us. HE knows our pasts, our thoughts, our hearts and every little thing about us that no one else has cared to find out. And, He loves us anyways...
"Hey there, Michelle! Is Lee with you today? Oh, alright... well, I'll have your tall, 3-pump mocha, 4-pump toffee nut, whole milk, with whip, extra hot, with extra toffee sprinkles mocha ready for you at the window. Actually, Katie is already working on it. Would you like your vanilla bean scone today, too? Sounds great. Well, you know the total... come on around."
Michelle approaches the drive thru window, hands the barista the money, takes her drink and scone and reaches out her hand to grab her plastic spoon she used to have to request each time so she could eat her whipped cream off the top like ice cream. She goes to school to teach for rest of her day, Starbucks cup on her desk, reminding her of her experience she had that morning and will have the next.
At Starbucks, Michelle is known. Her SUV has only to pull into the parking lot for someone to call out, "We're going to need a 'Michelle' at the drive thru."
People BECOME their drinks. Seriously, an identity is found in everything from a "grande bold no room for cream" to a "Michelle." People NEED to be known. And, they pay $4.61 a day for it... an expensive cup of caffeine, but a small price to pay for being known and loved.
In my opinion, that is one reason why Starbucks has done so well. Enough options are offered for people to find their identity in their cup and for their presence to be remembered at their local store. It is one thing that the average American can control completely and get a little java boost while doing so.
It's all pretty remarkable, isn't it? Psalm 139:1 says, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me." I won't type it here, but go read the rest of the psalm. It makes a remarkable regular at Starbucks pale in comparison to the comfort found in knowing that God "knit [us] together in [our] mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13) and that His "works are wonderful" (Psalm 130:14). HE knows us. HE knows our pasts, our thoughts, our hearts and every little thing about us that no one else has cared to find out. And, He loves us anyways...
Friday, November 21, 2008
1 John 3:1
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
I love that.
I love that.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Why?
Why do we, after experiencing the undying, unconditional, unchanging love of our Lord, live a life unchanged by Christ's greatest sacrifice? I'm not sure. I began this online journaling endeavor a couple months ago (I refuse to think of myself as one who "blogs.") and kind of forgot that I had started it. Tonight, though, I began thinking about how deep the human being's need to be known is and it made me think about how I could allow others to know me and myself to be known, possibly through this journal. I thought about my own need to be known and how one time I read a quote, "To read is to know you are not alone." (I could have butchered that quote and have no idea who said it except to say it wasn't me.) The need to be known and the need to not be alone are needs that every one of us is in a desperate search to fulfill. Maybe through this journal of mine, you'll know that you are not alone.
Really, think about it. We cannot be LOVED unless we are KNOWN. And, we cannot be KNOWN unless someone spends time with us, listens to our words and dives into our hearts. So, I have created this online journaling endeavor. Hopefully, it will allow all of my readers, probably just my dedicated and loyal brother... Hey, Lee :) ...to know that they are not alone, that someone else might think like them, need like them, live like them and learn about and experience Love like them. It will allow me to search my own heart, learn how it should be changed by Love and probably experience a great journey on the way. That's probably a slightly optimistic hope for this endeavor, but we'll see. Feel free to comment on anything. I'd love to hear what you have to say so I can know... and love... you, too.
Really, think about it. We cannot be LOVED unless we are KNOWN. And, we cannot be KNOWN unless someone spends time with us, listens to our words and dives into our hearts. So, I have created this online journaling endeavor. Hopefully, it will allow all of my readers, probably just my dedicated and loyal brother... Hey, Lee :) ...to know that they are not alone, that someone else might think like them, need like them, live like them and learn about and experience Love like them. It will allow me to search my own heart, learn how it should be changed by Love and probably experience a great journey on the way. That's probably a slightly optimistic hope for this endeavor, but we'll see. Feel free to comment on anything. I'd love to hear what you have to say so I can know... and love... you, too.
Monday, September 8, 2008
I love you.
Three very powerful words.
In one of my favorite movies, "You've Got Mail," Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox develop a relationship through email and as each day passes, the words, "You've got mail," begin to change each of their lives. Those words, to them, are three very powerful words.
To me, the words, "I love you," are the three most powerful words. Spoken to me by the King of kings, these words should change my life. And beyond that, they should change all of our lives.
Regrettably, they haven't. I often live an unchanged life and I would expect the same goes for you, too.
This, of course, begs the question: WHY?
The closest I have come in figuring out why is that we, children of the loving God, are missing something... and I hope to find out and change whatever that something is, for you and for me.
In one of my favorite movies, "You've Got Mail," Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox develop a relationship through email and as each day passes, the words, "You've got mail," begin to change each of their lives. Those words, to them, are three very powerful words.
To me, the words, "I love you," are the three most powerful words. Spoken to me by the King of kings, these words should change my life. And beyond that, they should change all of our lives.
Regrettably, they haven't. I often live an unchanged life and I would expect the same goes for you, too.
This, of course, begs the question: WHY?
The closest I have come in figuring out why is that we, children of the loving God, are missing something... and I hope to find out and change whatever that something is, for you and for me.
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