The WHY Question

Wednesday night, my best friend participated in a Christmas show at an awesome church in Cincinnati. He was one of the three wisemen in the show that retold the story of the birth of Jesus. I saw the show last year along with 20,000 other people... and it was amazing. This year, my friend was so excited to be part of such a beautiful experience that would change the lives of thousands of people. Well, on Wednesday (opening night), he and the other two wisemen (one of which was a girl) were suspended 25-feet in the air to reach for the star. They climbed up and danced in worship for the entire song when at the end of the song, the girl fell from the ceiling to the hard floor below. Everyone was in shock. The preacher went to the stage to pray as people attended to the young woman immediately. That night, she died.

I hate to tell this story... but it makes me ask WHY? It makes me desperate for an answer. It makes me cry out in confusion and mostly, I am overwhelmed with sadness for the girl's family, her friends and for the church and everyone present that night.

Sometimes, people talk about tragedies, deaths, natural disasters and other catastrophes and attempt to answer the "why question" in their mind... saying that good will come of it, that God can be glorified through anything He chooses.

However, some of this stuff I really can't pass off like that. Certain things have happened in my life to put me in a place that I must trust God... instead of understanding Him. This is definitely one of those times. I simply CANNOT understand, so I MUST TRUST. If I don't trust, my only option is to leave the God who I love and who I KNOW is King, sovereign, mighty and all-loving. I can't leave Him, so I must trust... but in that trust, I think it's okay for me to ask "Why?"

Since this tragedy, I have thought over and over, questioned over and over and cried out over and over. And what have I heard? No answers, but definitely things that I can learn.

One thing I must learn... does asking the "why question" make God bigger or smaller? While I can't actually change the size of God, I can change the recognition I give to His presence in my life and on this earth. I can ask the "why question" and say God's love is less than I thought or that His power has less presence in the world than I had believed. Or, I can ask the "why question" and realize that my knowledge of God and the workings of the world is less than I thought and that because I really can't control anything, don't know anything and can't reason any of life, I MUST TRUST. I must know God is BIGGER. I must DRAW NEAR to HIM and definitely not pull myself away. In these times, I feel like I need to bury my head in his arms, close my eyes and let my tears fall on Him.

I am not strong enough to look up, to take care of myself and most certainly, not strong enough to explain anything or answer the "why question." I don't need to explain why bad things happen. The fact that we live in a fallen world is not to be denied by myself or any other believer. The fact that life sucks is apparent to all. The part that's not so apparent and not so widely accepted is that God IS LOVE and God IS POWERFUL. No matter what happens, His love remains.

Though I may not have answered the "why question," I think I can ask it... recognizing more of God's presence in my life.

If bad things didn't happen, why would I have a need to seek Him? I wouldn't. He wouldn't be necessary for my life, my breath, my days. However, bad stuff does happen... making Him entirely the only One I can depend on for anything and everything.

So, I SEEK after Him.
I want to KNOW Him.
I want to LOVE Him.

I want HIM to be raised up and glorified and His name to be lifted and praised, for every day to come.

I also want others to seek after Him, to know Him and to love Him.

With that desire, my response to trials will always be the same, I rejoice in my sufferings and can only be found running to Him.

While rejoicing with gladness in the midst of difficulty is close to impossible, I do look forward to the day that my sufferings will produce in me perseverance, character and a hope that does not disappoint. I also know that purpose, wisdom and comfort can come through hard things and that a crown of life is promised by God for those who love God and who persevere under trial. So, I consider God's promises, consider Him who endured opposition and by fixing my eyes on Jesus, I will not grow weary or lose heart.

I will take tragedy and run to Him, telling others where He is, how to find Him and show Him how much He wants to hold them, too. I don't stand strong. I accept that I am weak and can't get it. I know it's alright to cry, alright for my heart to break and that just because I know Him doesn't mean that I can take it... because I can't. Instead, I am broken and I gladly lay my burdens at His feet, feel His embrace and bow at His throne, touching the hem of His garment in naked, authentic and beautiful worship. And in that worship, God is pleased, I am found and we unite in His overwhelming love that leaves me breathless, pure, trusting and whole.

So, go ahead and ask the "why question." God can answer to all for everything. He IS big. And, I... I am HIS.

Caring for The Flock

I work at a church. I love it and hate it all at the same time. I love it because it involves serving Jesus and loving people all the time... and being USED by God. I hate it because of the reputation it carries with some people and because of the constant expectations of a church-staff-member that I can't live up to.

I sometimes try to think about what my "job description" is. I don't really know. My official title: children's minister. My unofficial title has come to include the youth minister as well. So, I plan stuff for the kids at church. But, what does that really mean?

I don't know. I think my "job" involves a lot of things, though. One of these things is caring for the flock. People come to the churches in America to consume something... to have their own needs met. I don't like when Christians are only concerned with consuming and coming into a church building to get something out of it. I think Christians should be participating in what God is doing, should be actively serving, should be bringing the love of Christ to the people in their communities. However, my bitterness towards this consuming Christian mindset has probably gone too far. I suspect that a balance between most any two things is probably the right place to be and I think that it goes the same for the contributing-participating mindsets.

People NEED to participate to grow, to love, to live out the Great Commission. Although, people NEED to consume, too, to heal, to rest, to grow and to learn. I think my job might be to find a balance here and create an environment that seeks to meet both needs.

So, in learning more about that...I have found the Bible has some good stuff to say, as usual. Ezekiel 34 talks about shepherds and sheep. I suggest you go and read this, especially if you have any leadership in any ministry. 1 Peter 5 talks about shepherding the flock... the elders, the leaders are the ones caring for the sheep. And many places in Acts have great insight into caring for a church body... and what that church body should look like. So much to learn...